VBS SKIT (Monkey King)
THE KING OF THE JUNGLE
Characters:
MONKEY KING
Monkey See
Monkey DO
Missionary Mike
Ambassador SNOOD
Margaret
DAY 1 PLANE CRASH
NARRATOR: Upper Slobovian airlines crash lands in the Jungle not far from the monkey kings realm
Missionary Mike, Margaret (reporter for the global times) and Ambassador Snood the diplomat from the Slobovian government have all parachuted out of the aircraft before it crashed and now are stranded in the jungle.
Mike is looking for the "lost City" where he wants to bring the gospel to the Lost tribe.
Margaret is looking for "the scoop of the century" and is trying to uncover Slobovian designs on the rain forest, suspecting a hostile take over of the jungle for their nefarious schemes.
SNOOD is a pompous arrogant socially inept bureaucrat with ulterior motives plotting to take over the jungle and turn it into a giant parking lot. He wants to evict all those who live in the jungle and annex the land on behalf of the King of Slobovia.
The Monkey King is a doddering fool. Arrogant and supremely self indulgent , self centred and egotistical beyond belief. His sole purpose is the whims of HIMSELF. His two sorry henchmen Monkey SEE and Monkey DOO, cater to his every whim.
WE catch up with our trio of trouble in the jungle... lets see how they are getting on....
SNOOD: well for for all the wretched places to land... Here....and by the by... Where IS HERE anyway?
MARGARET: as far as my calculations go... Whew are exactly...( fumbling with a calculator) ....LOST
MIKE: well . Praise The Lord, we were able to parachute to safety and nobody was hurt.
SNOOD, Speak for yourself, I think I cracked my iPhone case.
MARGARET: it was probably a government conspiracy that brought our plane down, probably someone (looking at SNOOD) who wanted to stifle my story coming out.... everybody knows that JOURNALISM IS KING! and every tin pot dictator in their bananna republic wants to dethrone it... but the media will never be silenced... i tell you..(cough gag,,,, ), i think i swallowed a BUG,, cough, gag gag.
SNOOD: so much for the freedom of speech!
MIKE: well THAT is not MY KING.... You can keep your Media... It wont be the Media, or The King of Slobovia that you will have to stand before when you die... it will be the TRUE KING!
SNOOD: o goodie stranded in the jungle with a religious Zealot and a raving media liberal....joy to me!
MIKE: well the sooner we figure where we are the sooner we can figure out how to get out. I suggest we find safe shelter and water first. then we can work on things. lets split up.. but keep within eye contact. see if we can find something to build a shelter with.
(THey walk a distance from one another)
SNOOD: crouches down and pulls out his phone.... (hello, hello, if anybody can get this message notify the KING that I am in the jungle, according to plan and that i am scouting out the territory for the giant parking lot, it doesnt look like there will be much resistance from these bumkins, and we will be able to annex this territory all for the glory of his majesty! i will check in later to make regular reports...over and out,
MARGARET: Oh great I just need to MEDITATE... to get in touch with my higher SELF, to FOCUS upon my ROYALTY..my exalted position as a HUMAN.... I know that I can see what I need to do... o SELF.... O GREAT SELF, what am I to do.... YES, YES... I know... I need to watch that SNOOD and that fanatic simpleton... i need to get the scoop of the century... yes, and i can only rely upon ME!
MIKE: O Dear Lord almighty, I know thank you for sparing my life and thank you for putting me here, show me your will My KING, I want to serve you and glorify you in this ... show me the way to the Lost tribe, so that I may bring them the Gospel of The Lord Jesus Christ, The King of Kings and Lord of Lords..... protect me and guide us, allow me to have a good testimony and win these dear folks to your Son.
All get up and wander off in separate directions.
MONKEY SEE: OOOOOOOOOOoooooooo goodness Monkey DOO!... Monkey DOOO!
MONKEY DOO: huh?
MONKEY SEE: there is an insurrection in our midst! the intruders , the invaders have come to bring ANOTHER KING! what do we do? should we tell HIS MAJESTY about it?
DOO: huh?
SEE: (Whacks him over the head with a stick) you silly monkey! pay attention
DOO: OOooooooooooooo why you do that!
SEE: an insurrection!
DOO: I had one of those ... it was so i wouldnt get the FLU....
SEE: (Whacking him over the head again) BAH! that is an INJECTION... an insurrection... a rebellion.... those people are going to lead a REVOLT
DOO: oooo yes a revolt ... they do look revolting...
SEE: we must go to the KING! quickly monkey DOO! (Hits him again)
DOO: What was that for?
SEE: it was fun!
DOO: oooooooo (rubbing his head) OK
The two monkeys scurry off into the brush
NARRATOR: Monkey SEE and Monkey DOO are off to see the monkey King and tell him of all the things they have heard. Mike , Margaret and Snood are all gathering together again to brave their first night in the Jungle. I wonder if they will survive the night, and what will the monkey King Do when He is told of the Injection...
SEE: (popping his head around the corner) INSURRECTION! not INJECTION!
Narrator: yes, yes, sorry, INSURRECTION....
DOO: who was that ?
SEE: (Whacks him on the head) OOOOOooooooo
Both leave
Narrator: join us again tomorrow for the next instalment of thhe KING OF THE JUNGLE
DAY 2 HOSTILE RECEPTIONS
The monkey King watches from a distance and plots to capture the three and execute them for promoting another KING.TREASON!!!!
NARRATOR: Welcome back to our tale of our troubled trio stranded in the wilds of the jungle. After a plane crash Missionary Mike, Reporter Margaret and Embassador SNOOD are trying to survive...Each on his own agenda, each serving a different KING. Each trying to make HIS KING , the KING of the Jungle.... We now join the .....
KING: BLAH, BLAH BLAH.... enough allready, what about ME!... HMMMM... the HERO of the story..... the great and magnanimous one!... superiour in charms and looks.....bravery is unsurpassed.....
NARRATOR: welll , thats not whats in my script here.... i uh.....
KING: whaaaaaatttt... enough from you , narrator person.... you are dismissed! I will provide my own narration.....MonKEY SEE!, MONKEY DOO!... read the royal script!
MONKEY DOO: (PLAYS a pitiful fanfare on a trumpet)
SEE: ANNOUNCING the Royal personage of great impotence....
DOO: uhhhh
(Monkey King looks at him and frowns.....)
SEE: Importance..... yes importance ... the great, the only , undisputed, majesty of miracles, the primate potentate, the Stupendous sovereign, the apex of Ape. the bastion of Baboon, the Champion of chimpanzees.... yes the uhhhh.... the uhhhhh....
KING: Yes go ON........
SEE: i um seem to have misplaced the paperwork.... (DOO!!!! where in the world did it go....did YOUO take it...)
DOO: I had to go, and there was no more TOILET PAPER...)
SEE: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh (Begins to choke DOO)
KING: Is there a problem here!!??? your making me look so bad in front of the narrator.... thiss is so not cool.....
SEE: (Dropping DOO) (i'll get you for this !) Uhhhhh no your Royalness, i was just overcome with your great presence, and I temporarily went insane....
KING: Why Yes, I can see that happening to you.... yes, I have had similar experiences when i looked in a mirror.... I am indeed all that and more....Anyway..... What have you to REPORT , I am sure you have much to tell me of the state of the jungle.....but first... bring me a fruity drink with an decoration... in it... oooo oooo and some little animal cracker thingies... yes, the royal palate must be pleased. just make sure the Monkey cracker doesnt look like me......i cannot bear to eat such a thing!
SEE: yes your grandure right away (hits monkey doo)
DOO: oooooooooo
KING: picks up the paper... reads..... What!!!! what is THIS! why was I not TOOOOLLLLDDDD about this great event!!!!! MONKEY SEE... MONKEY DOO!!!!
SEE: Yes your Royalness, we WANTED to tell you but you see.....
KING: LOOK .... just look at this.... Monkey King posters... at 10 percent OFF! why they are a steal at 10.99 a piece now.....
SEE: Criminal i say
DOO: hmmmmmmmmmm
KING: it also says here that there was a plane crash... and some of those hairless smelly things are creeping about the jungle....hmmmmmmmm... sad little creatures.... yes... they lions will probably eat them..... ohhhh look a commemorative dinner plate with my face on it!... joy to us!!!
SEE: uhhh King whi is grander than the bugs under the log...
KING: well what is it now....
SEE: welll, i overheard some of the smelly ones speaking... and they were talking about their KING.
KING: do tell.... its about time they came to their senses and embraced ME as KING.... i knew they couldnt be all bad, after all we could use them in a servant sort of way you know... a little lower than monkey DOO, you know.....
SEE: well your brightness, they were speaking of ANOTHER KING... (Cringing)
DOO: uh oh.... (Hiding his head under his armpit....)
KING... (Shocked) Not so... it cannot be that eveen these hairless excuses would not be bowing down to ME... ME....( in MYYYYY KINGDOMMMM,,,,, OHHHHHHHH... Look at that bicept, yes loooook at it...
You dont think its getting to flabby , you know,,,, you have been feeding me too many grapes... and you know how they make my arms flabby.....
SEE: no no firm as an apple sir... beautiful, very masculine....
KING: yes true... truee... welll anyway... What was i saying...
SEE: you were about to hit monkey DOO...
KING: I was?, yes your viciousness...
DOO: (Gives SEE an evil look and bends over with his head covered by his hands)
KING: My beating stick monkey SEE... give it to me...
DOO and SEE scramble to get the stick and in the fight Monkey DOO gets it and brings it to the king while sticking out his tongue at SEE)
KING: Good Job DOO.... looking at SEE, he hits DOO... who falls over) NOW that unpleasant necessity is past.... yes monkey SEE, Monkey DOO... where is that DOO, is he sleeping on the job again... i will have to dock him a days pay again... make a note!
Yes... I want you to FIND out about this OTHER KING... Find out what He is up to and why they serve HIM and NOT ME.... nd bring those hairless creatures to ME, so I may question them personally... i am sure once they see ME they will give up such notions of other Kings.....
DOO: HUH....
SEE: Yes your Graciousness...
KING: SEE.... because you did not tell mee of the stinking hairless beasts sooner you must be punnished.... i heeby decree that you will not be able to speak my name for a week... and you will not be able to gaze upon my glory for all of two days!
KING: Wait.. wait..... i cannot do such a thing to anyone.... it is too much for one to bear, it would be cruel and unusual punnishment..... i therefore command that you be KICKED in the BUTTOCKS!
SEE; Wait King, do you not remember that my buttocks is where i keep the royal signant ring!
KING: Yes, yes... then just hit monkey do in the head.
SEE: pops doo in the head and DOO gives a dirty look at him while rubbing his head.
KING: Let us go now and see if we can buy more of those beautiful pictures they have down to the jungle store... what do they call them again?
SEE: Mirrors sir....
KING: Yes mirrors, delightful things.... i find it hard to stop staring at such a wonderful picture .
(They Leave)
NARRATOR: are they gone? well now that we have seen the so called Monkey King... and know about his sordid character we can look .....
SEE: Ahemmmmm...
NARRATOR: Ok OK join us again tomorrow as we see.... i cant believe i have to read this... the great and glorious ascention of the Monkey King, in all his reagal beauty....Blah Blah Blah... etc etc.....
DOO: (Raspberry)
SEE: HUMPH...
DAY 3 AT THE FEET OF THE MONKEY KING
they are captured and have to face a ridiculous court where the monkey king presides and tries them for "crimes against "Monkeydom"
NARRATOR:
The Monkey KIng has sent his henchmen out to spy on and possibly capture our three stranded strangers to the forest. While they huddle in the bushes against the bugs and the heat, against deprivation.. against... well you get the idea... Missionary Mike, Margaret and Snood have spent an exhausting night without sleep or food in the wilds of the jungle... lets look in on them now.....
MIKE: well Praise The Lord We are still alive....
SNOOD: oh will you pipe down... how can you be so cheerful.....
MARGARET: ive been in a lot of strange places before but I think i just saw a mosquito carry away a rodent!
MIKE: well we survived the night and there is alot to do today
SNOOD: yes.. lets start by turning some oxygen into carbon dioxide..... hmmmm
MARGARET: Mike is right we need to get to the bottom of a few things today... dig for some answers, root out a few leads...
MIKE: I would suggest we dig a latrine, get to the bottom of the stream and look at some roots for some food... why just look under this old tree... GRUBS!!!!
MARGARET & SNOOD: Ewwwwwwwwwww
Mike: No i read about it once, they are edible.....and are quite the burst of flavour...
MARGARET: Well there goes what i had of an appetite...
SNOOD: YOU can eat grubs but I am a SLOBOVIAN... of blue blood and good genes...
MIKE: those genes are gonna be quite baggy on you after a week without food!
MARGARET: lets keep our options open for the moment
MIKE : Suit yourselves, we can always go looking for some fruit.
MARGARET: Dont you have anything in those suitcases?... no just a few toiletries, some extra clothes, but nothing else.... what about you snood?
SNOOD: you can keep your grubs away from my cases... they have sensitive information... only important documents.. that YOU are not cleared to see!
MIKE: Ok OK.....lets look about....
MONKEY SEE and DOO creep up through the forest... and watch as the trio go away into the forest....
SEE: LOOK! the hairless stinky things have gone!
DOO: ooooooooo
SEE: Quick let us set the trap!
SNOOD: Hey ... Hey you vile creatures get away from my things, ooooo you wretched beasts! (He picks up a stick and runs at them)
SEE: Run for it, every primate for his self.. (He throws monkey DOO into the oncoming attacker)
DOO is hit over the head and howls in pain ,,, running off into the bushes
MIKE: What is going on around here!
SNOOD: is this what your prayers bring about?... Monkeys?....
MARGARET: oooo dont hurt the poor defenceless creatures....
MIKE: Listen snood, ...
SNOOD: Yeah... ive had it with you, you praying parasite, and YOU! you worthless windbag.... wretched reporter... does anybody read your RAG?
MARGARET: Well I never....
SNOOD : Well you just DID
(all three start yelling and getting closer to one another.....when.....they fall into a giant hole..... AHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh)
ALL: HELLLPPPPPPPP.......
MONKEY DOO: Oooooooooo llooooooookkkkk
SEE: YEs I see, I see... Wont the King be so happy... we captured the evil hairless smelly things look they look so pathetic in the hole... what should we do... monkey Doo?
DOO: lets throw coconuts at them.
SEE: Yes lets do...doo
ALL: AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh
Monkeys laugh...
SEE: DOO.....Get the NET... we will capture these ferocious beasts and tie them up, and bring them to the KING!!!
(They throw a net in the hole and jump down on top of them... then they lead them away...
They come to the place of the monkey King...
SEE: Kinggggggggg o your most discombobulated one!!!!!... one who is the great supercillious one.......!!! where are YOUOUUUU.......
KING: SILENCE! who dares disturb my Nappy time!... Mr. Cuddles and I were having our special time together, who dares.....
DOO: ooooo..... cuddles....
KING Swats DOO ... Get your paws off the royal cuddles....
DOO; OOOooooooo
SEE: Your lugubriousness.... we have brought the stinky hairless things to you with their belongings.....
KING: Take the net off... an let me gaze upon their hideousness... allow them to see my beauty unobstructed...
KING: Welll... what do you think, stinky hairless things....
MIKE: Ummmmmm
Margaret... bananna?
SNOOD: Oh for pitty sake that is no King... he is a FILTHY MONKEY....
KING DOO & SEE all GASP!!!
KING: WHHAAAAATTTTT... he must be crazed from the jungle heat... poor creature...
SNOOD: I have NO KING but the ROYAL SLOBOVIAN KING!!!... and certainly not a brainless bannana face like you.
ALL GASP!!!
KING: Treason! All must bow the knee to ME!.....i mean how could you not....
i will magnanimously excuse your lack of judgment in referring to the royal personage as bananna face.... if you hairless stinky things bow down and worship me....
MARGARET: oh for pitty sake just humor the baboon!
DOO: Smacks Margarret...
Margaret (ouch!)
MIKE: I cannot do that your highness.... i worship only the true KING!
KING: Then i commit you to DEATH! Take the hairless stinky things away and prepare to feed them to the giant snake!
MARGARET: Snake!!!! ooooooooooooo (She faints)
SNOOD: Well Mr. Christian you had better start PRAYING if you dont want to end up as a snack for a snake!
MIKE: Yeah I wonder how this is part of the Kings PLAN
KING: Ohhhhh mr smelly thing... it is all part of my plan.... Monkey see, Monkey doo... come!
Narrator: Well it looks like they are really in a bind now, join us tomorrow as we see what happens to them! Same Monkey time, same monkey channel!
DAY4 SHOWDOWN
Snood decies enough is enough and gets his GUN back and shoots his way out. "wounding the monkey King" (or his crown)
KING: Prepare the hairless stinky things... but before they are dispatched to the snake's lair... bring me the boxes they keep their sacred belongings in... let us peer into such strange minds as we rifle through their things.... and perhaps find peanuts....
All three monkeys dump the bags and then peer into the bags as they take things out and sniff them....
Look pink things....
Margaret: get your hands off that you animal!
DOO; Tsk Tsk
SEE : You wont be needing it now...
KING look ding dongs ooo ooo and m&m s oooo joy to me
Margaret . Looks like snood was holding out on us...
MIKE... Yeah.. Important papers....top secret...
SNOOD.. A man has to survive......
KING: Look another useless bunch of paper, books, more books, they seem to be obsessed with these things..... Oh well MORE paper for the royal toiletry room...
MARGARET: thats my journal!... that contains my research!... that proves that SLOBOVIA is looking to loot the jungle and set up some sort of secret base,.....
SNOOD: Secret base? secret base??
MARGARET: Like you would tell anybody about your nefarious designs....
SNOOD: You snivelling little imbecile! we are not going to make a secret base.. we just want to make a parking lot!
MIKE: a parking lot?
SNOOD. YES a parking lot... do you know how difficult it is to get a good parking spot next to the mall......no matter... (Whispering) look you two i need to get my brief case!... it has my G..U...N... in it...
MARGARET: you have a GUN!!!!
SNOOD ...idiot!!!!
DOO..... Yes.....
SNOOD, ... Not you HER!
MARGARET ... Sorry.... Why didn't you say you had a G..U..N..
KING... Hey you stop spelling your silly little words over there you a making it hard to ease drop....some people....
MIKE... Oh great ....
KING..... Oh look joy to me!... A whole tube of preparation H.... I love how this stuff tastes... So good with cheese and crackers...
All... Ewwwwwwww
KING. What?
KING. Look a PEZ dispenser.... ( picking up the GUN) ... The king tries to suck on the barrel..... Look down the barrel.
SNOOD. We have to make our move while those idiots are distracted... Help me with my ropes...use your teeth!
Margaret ... I don't think so buddy, you smell funny....
MIKE. Here let me help...
They struggle with the bonds for a few moments.... And SNOOD gets free
snood rushes the monkey king... All three monkeys are in a scuffle DOO takes the opportunity to start bonking SEE and the king as well as SNOOD....
A shot rings out..... The king cries out... Snood runs into the forest....
KING. Oooo I am hit... I am mortally wounded... I am dyyyyyying.... Ooooo my life is passing before my eyes... Wait hey why didn't you tell me that sweater made my butt look big.....ooooo I was such a cute baby.... Oooo I am swooning...... Goodbye cruel world....cut down in the primate of my life.... With such great things left to give....I perish.....oh monkey see.... Come closer... Monkey Doo....come let me say ....cough cough.....let me........say.......uhhhhhhhh
SEE.. He has passed
DOO. Ooooooooooo
KING. Gasp! Come closer... (Whack!!!! Hits monkey DOO....)
Now where was I... Yes dying..........tell all my royal subjects that I ....I .... Well you know I was the best.....uhhhhhhhhh
DOO is he gone?
SEE bends close ... Then pokes him.....yes he has passed
KING sits up and gasps...
SEE. Oh for Pete's sake!
DOO. Just die or not
KING. I will leave you with these parting words..
MIKE. Ummmm King.... Could I uh say something
KING what does the hairless smelly thing want now?
DOO.. What mon?
MIKE. I uh don't think the king is actually hit....I think it was just his crown....
KING. What,,, yes there is no wound there is no bleeding.... Why it is a miracle! Ooooo smelly hairless thing you have saved the Kings life!!!!!! You now have my favour..... What blessing may I give to you.... Smelly one.....
Margaret. Don't feed us to the snake...
KING. OK no problem.... He is not hungry now anyway.....plus he is only an itty bitty thing....
DOO. Not cool man
KING You will rest in the royal presence tonight.....
MIKE ... Ok
KING.. Monkey see Monkey Doo escort our guests to my court....
Narrator: well it looks like Mike and Margaret live to tell the tale another day.... But will they ever get out of the jungle.. Will SNOOD be frustrated in his plans to turn the forest into a concrete jungle ... Will Margaret ever get her story... Will Mike find the lost tribe....will
KING. Will YOU ever stop your wind bagging... Blah blah blah... Always talking..... ....uhhhhh
Narrator. Fine then just come back tomorrow.....stupid monkey.....
KING. Heard that bozo
DAY 5 RESOLUTION
SNOOD. ( looking disheveled and worn.... ) I must have been walking for days... I've only got one bullet left! I have no water, no ding dongs.... My cell phone is dead... My feet hurt and the bugs!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.... It looks like I will die in this bug infested hole.... And for what!!! So the king of Slobovia can have a good place to park his limousine!!!! What a waste of a brilliant mind, what a waste....... ( he sits down and holds his head in his hands... Weeping)
MONKEY SEE. You think we should help the nasty smelly one? Or should we let him spend some more time wandering in a circle?
DOO. Humphhhhhh
SEE. Oh smelly nasty one... You whoooooo....over here .......yes you...
( monkey DOO sneaks up behind Snood)
SNOOD... Get back.....get back.... Or I will shoot!!!!
DOO pinches Snood in the bum.... Snood yelps and the gun is thrown up, grabbed by monkey see and thrown into the bushes.....
SEE... Yes? Now come with us.....stinky pants.....
SNOOD well I might as well.....
( all exit and come back with all the cast)
KING....now I will make my royal decrees....... Stinky hairless beast with the longer hair... What do you wish.....
MARGARET ... Ummm I want to get out of here and I want the scoop on the king of Slobovia....
KING... Oh that.... Yes he has been trying to buy the jungle for a long time.... But he cannot.....the jungle is too valuable for a parking lot.....
Margaret .... Yes you mean it needs to be kept in its pristine natural surroundings....
DOO and SEE look at each other and laugh...
KING... No silly smelly thing.... I sold it to a hotel....I get to live in the presidential palace....with a big screen tv and a pool! No more squatting in the jungle... We will be living in the lap of luxury.... But yes smelly little one you can have an interview with ME and I will tell you the whole story... It was all very hush hush till now....
SNNOD. What!!!! Well what about me!!!! What will become of me!!!!
KING..oooooo i have devised a hideous fate for you!!!!! Monkey see, monkey DOO.... Take him and throw him to.....I can hardly say it.....take him and throw him to ....the NASCAR race track!!! Ooooooo the horror
ALL... NASCAR!!!
KING. Yes right over there , down the road, past MacDonalds and across from SUBWAY.....what.... You think we are savages here? Goodness , you must have been travelling in a two mile circle... Silly smelly people.....yes, throw him there and make him watch a whole race.... Without ear plugs.... Take him away!
MIKE. You mean we are two miles from civilization all this time.....
KING.... How did you smelly things ever get to rule the world anyway......bah! So silly
MIKE. Well what about the lost tribe!!!!.....
KING....you mean those who do not know of YOUR KING?..... Well as far as I can see.... The lost tribe is everywhere........
MIKE. You are right
KING. Of course I am the KING
MIKE. Well I guess I need to just start where I am ....here....and start with reaching those around me for Christ instead of looking for the lost tribe.....
KING. I will give you a conference room in my new hotel......no worries
Ok ok let us all go and watch Smelly SNOOD be tortured by the incessant turning of loud vehicles that go nowhere.....but first stick this in your ears.....beetle poo....very good for the complexion too...
ALL... Ewwwwwwwwwwwww
KING suit yourself.......
NARRATOR
Well that concludes our jungle adventure......and by the way.... WHO is YOUR KING?
Who will you bow down and serve? Your own ambitions, your own wants....the world and its false Kings.... Or will you bow the knee to the true KING OF KINGS.